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Reading Opens the Door for Discussion

Once upon a time, we believed that if you told your children they were adopted, you were finished talking about adoption. Many families followed the “Once ‘n’ Done” method: be sure you told your child he was adopted (mainly so he didn’t find out from someone else), and then you were done.

We now know that it’s important to talk with your children about adoption throughout their growing up years. Children have different questions at different ages, and they need to feel free to ask those questions as they grow up.

It’s not easy for all children to ask questions when they need information. Sometimes parents need to take the initiative. Reading a story about adoption to you child is one way to open the door. Here are a few of our top picks:

One Wonderful You by Francie Portnoy talks about genetics, heritage and what adoption really means in language kids can understand. “You are who you are because of all the wonderful things you were born with and because of all the great stuff your adoptive family gave you.” Multicultural illustrations and humor make this a fun book to read to your kids.

In A Place in My Heart, by Mary Grossnickle, Charlie asks, “Why don’t I look like you and Daddy?” Charlie was adopted, and he wonders about the same things that many adopted children think about. A Place in My Heart reassures your children that it's OK to ask questions, and that there’s room in our hearts for everyone we care about, including birth parents.

When we asked parents about books that worked for them, several people mentioned Fred Rogers’ book, Let’s Talk About It: Adoption. The main message is that belonging to a family comes from being loved. Mr. Rogers, beloved for so many years, opens the door for adoptive families to talk about their “good and not-so-good” feelings about adoption.

If you have a piano player in your house, you might enjoy My Forever Family, a songbook with adoption songs such as “My Forever Family” and “Mommy, Tell, Me, What Does it Mean to Be Adopted?” Lisa Silver and Wendy Spira, an adoptive mom, wrote songs that are easy to play, with simple words so that children can sing along.