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Who Is a Special Needs Child?
By Coreen Richardt

I challenge myself to see uncertainty through the eyes of a special needs child.

These thoughts and questions of a child depicting “SPECIAL NEEDS” can hopefully help shed light on feelings that children in the foster care system may be having as they enter into another year…….

Special – I guess that is how they define me. What makes me special? Is it the fact that I have had 3, 4, 8, 9, mothers? Is it that I have lived in a car, a tent, and eight relatives' homes? Or that I can now go to a visit with my birth dad and not cry the whole way there?

Persistent – I Keep going - I get up in the morning, even if I’m feeling lonely, and attend the third new school this year. I visit with my birthparents even though I leave with worries on my mind and a pit in my stomach. I ask over and over and over, when do I get to see my sister?

Emotion – I know that I have it, although I can not define it. I think I used to have more of it, but have learned that it is easier to hide than show. I think this is why I need to talk to so many people, although my feelings don’t always seem to matter and the people I really want to talk to are not around.

Control – I am in control of three things in my life: pooping, peeing and eating. Why can’t I be in control of when I get to see my siblings? When I get my bike from my mom? And when I get to go home?

Individual – I am not like the foster child that you had before, the baby you birthed from your tummy or the other special needs child you adopted before. I am me, and it takes time to get to know who “me” is.

Aggressive - On the outside, I am angry, challenging to be around, hurtful, demanding and manipulative. Behind this wall I am confused, hurt and sad.

Learning and education are so difficult for me. What make you think I can concentrate when my mom called last night and told me that she loved me and wants me to come back home, my sister was moved to another foster home and my foster parents do not want to adopt me?

New– Everything is new. New school, new house, new dog, new mom, new bed, new tooth brush. I don’t like new. I like old, I like comfortable, I like what I already have and know.

Expectations, Success – How is this measured? For me it is getting 60% on my spelling test when I am two grades behind in reading, it is putting my hands in my pockets when I want to punch the fourth grade girl on the playground for name calling and telling someone out loud when something does not “feel” right.

End – What is the end for me? Will I be back with my birthparents? Will I be re-united with one of my eight siblings, will I ever be a part of a family? How does my story end? There are so many questions; I wish I had the answers.

Difficult, defiant - Would you ever think that pooping in my closet would mean that I am scared and confused? That hoarding food, stealing pencils from school, or wetting myself meant that I want control, if only over something small in my life? That drowning the family cat, cutting my foster sister’s hair or breaking the zipper on my new coat was me looking for attention and never being taught the value of material possessions?

Special – What DOES make me special? I am unique, I have something to share, and with the help of devoted adults I am helped to be the best I can be. I can learn to overcome all the challenges listed above and someday hopefully help others to let them know that through inner strength and a little guidance, we are all good kids and are all “special”.

As special needs adoption workers, we strive to do better in the next year. To be more understanding of where children come from and where they are currently at. They have lived a life that is difficult for any of us to understand. We continue to do the best work we can in being supportive and caring and helping children to move through their uncertainty as quickly as possible.